Goggles, tiktok, and my new friend jerry
seasonal retrospective: summer, 2024
To me, summer is best spent with skin kissed by the sea and wrapped in a blanket of rays from the sun, its contact uninterrupted by the lack of clouds in the sky. The cherry on top is something delicious in my hand, my mouth, and my eyes.
Bookending this season with a yoga retreat in Portugal has spoiled me rotten: every morning blossomed with an embodiment practice followed by a dip in a natural spring. then came breakfast, which always blew expectations out of the water: Turkish eggs, chocolate oats, mini pancakes, cheese from the neighbour, the best damn grapes known to man, and always a handful of just-ripe figs from the tree in front of my room.
Needless to say, I enjoyed myself. I’ll be boarding my plane back to berlin with skyrocketing levels of vitamin d, a clear head, and confidence in the next chapter of the year.
Before doing so, I want to take the time to reflect on the summer season by completing a little seasonal retrospective.
Passed onto me during a Katonah workshop, the seasonal retrospective provides a framework to take stock of the chapter that has passed. Katonah yoga is a movement practice and philosophy that pulls from Chinese medicine theory and Hatha yoga practices. Much of the sequencing (to my understanding, I’m still a teacher in training), draws inspiration from the elements and patterns associated with the time of year. The logic being that patterns in great nature are reflected in our own bodies (because we are all a part of great nature).
Every season comes with it own tendencies, and spring/summer focus heavily on the liver, an organ on the front side of the body. In a movement practice, this means many backbends — because backbends create space in the front of the body. The liver (on the front of the body) symbolises your potential, thus by stretching your liver, you stretch your potential.
Summer, is a season of doing (think: longer days, more time on your hands), so expanding your potential translates to things being done beyond what you previously thought possible.
To contrast, winter is a time of reflection. A time to hone in, to take stock before the seasons turn and it’s time to go outside and do again. The organ of focus are the kidneys, located at the back of the body. You’ll see a lot of forward folds (creating space in the back of the body) and twists to squeeze and relieve these organs of any stagnation.
Think: when you’re folding into yourself, there’s nothing to see but yourself. and if you’re in a standing fold, your eyes are looking behind you (hello, past). See what I mean by winter as a time to reflect?
August 31st: we are in the winter of summer (stay with me). The cycle of the four seasons are not just limited to the calendar year. you can apply the same four seasons to other situations and contexts as well, shrinking it (in one day you experience elements of each season in the 24 hours) and expanding it (in one lifetime). Remember: patterns of great nature are repeated (that’s what makes them a pattern).
The winter of summer, or the winter of well, anything, calls for reflection. Me, a proud water sign, I could reflect all day. If i could get paid to pull and prod at the strings of my past, then this whole search for a “dream job” would come to a close. My nature is to dive in very deep, so much so that sometimes I’ll get swept away by the tide and this exercise would never find its way to completion. If it’s not in your nature to reflect, then perhaps this framework can encourage you to look into crevices you’ve forgotten to give your mind a clean sweep before spring (of the next season) comes around.
Here we go: five questions about this past season to help commemorate and celebrate your time under the sun.
What are some things that if they came up again, would remind you of this past season?
Pain suisse pastries. It’s been a pain suisse summer. These delights have taken centre stage by storm. What is a pain suisse you may ask? Think: “Like a pain au chocolate but with less bread.... this one’s really for the chocolate lovers.” The pastry chef from marquise explained. She punctuated her statement with a wink from her flour-dusted eyelashes, a signal acknowledging a mutual love for chocolate that doesn’t require words. My love for Viennese pastries has been well documented, but a pain suisse has been slept on — until this summer.
The pink goggles I purchased at decathlon just as the sun began to make a regular appearance in the sky. These goggles were a regular in my tote, I wanted to be prepared for the spontaneous swim. I regrettably left them draped on a rock during this past trip to Portugal, instead of grieving this loss, I’ve told myself that a young Portuguese girl is now gleeful to be in possession of such magic that is a pair of goggles.
Beading: Is it a new hobby? A new business idea? A passion project? A new skill for me to develop? All I know is that there’s no better way to pass time on the beach than by beading (and I have yet to see necklaces like these ;-) )
I downloaded Tiktok for the first time this season. Yes, I got lost in the rabbit hole (cue Jerry), but then I was able to make it out the other side. The whole intention of downloading the application was for my business, Presence Boutique. Being a genz girl starting a genz business, I thought it would be fitting to see what was going on with Tiktok.
It was fun, but not for me. I’ve put a pause on it, but I’m open to revisiting it in the future, perhaps when I actually have a product to promote.
What went really well this season?
I am very proud of the way I turned the dial down on the rat race I had caged myself into. I started working for myself in the spring, meaning that this summer was my first time “getting into the swing of things” as a freelancer. The beginning of this chapter went really well, however I quickly realised that working for myself isn’t as romantic as I may have made it out to seem. Hence, I learned to ask for help, even if that help meant co-working with a friend or spending time at A’s office.
However, one thing that I wasn’t able to shake was the need to be “productive”. I unintentionally trapped myself into a castle of unrealistic expectations around career goals. This led to a constant feeling of “I’m not good enough” that set me on a fast track to burnout. The stickiness of summer really inspired me to slow down and not force the pieces to fit. (It also helped that the pants manufacturer was closed for holiday during this time). This pause gave space for my trust muscle to build — giving me the confidence that everything will happen when it’s meant to happen. And! I found that by slowing down, I gained a sense of clarity in places where I had jumped to conclusions, allowing me to move forward in a direction that is actually in line with what I want.
Clarity in the slowness of summer. That went really well.
What didn’t go so well?
I experienced quite a bit of negative self talk. Sparked by the rat race as mentioned above, but I think that the danger of slowing down and doing things is that it breeds for the nasty voices in my head to take stage. Instead of rushing and controlling situations, I had to sit in the gunk for a little while. However, looking back now, I’m pretty pleased with how everything went. The gunk actually had quite a few insights that I’ve been able to wash off and put back in my pocket.
I also found that giving a name to the negative narrative in my mind, I was able to let go of the thoughts that I didn’t want to carry with me. I named mine Jerry.
In action (dialogue of my thoughts):
“You shouldn’t wear that tight dress if you’ll be going out to eat”
“Oh, that’s just Jerry, saying their thing. Leave me alone.”
*back in action*
If I zoom all the way out, what does this season mean for me?
As I’m writing this retrospective, the clarity that I’ve gained from this season stands out tenfold. Stepping into adulthood has been a rocky road, yet I’ve been able to pick up some gems. Slowing down this season has given me the time to polish those gems, which have unveiled to me the direction that I see myself going down — not because I need to, but because I want to.
I’ve always struggled a bit with knowing what I want. As the youngest child, what I wanted was always guided by what my older brother wanted. But then I grew up, and realised that there was a lot of gunk I needed to remove to tune my instrument of desire. The transient nature of things also makes it so my desires now may not be what I want in the future. Hence instead of focusing on my ten year plan, this season invited me to focus on the little wants of today, and trust that these will lead me to the wants of tomorrow.
A friend from the retreat told me to go towards whatever it is that I find exciting. It’s silly how simple it is, but that sounds like a plan that I’m willing to follow.
What from this season am I taking with me?
A love for swimming, and appreciation for rest, and the notion that whenever I feel lost, I can always meet myself in the moment.
xo
P